I am mentally challenged, not "retarded". This term is a slur, and should never be used to describe anyone.It is not some jovial endearment you use with a loved one, this is something that mentally challenged people have been labelled against their will. Want to know just how inappropriate it is? When someone was labelled this, they were often put into asylums. You saw it right, folks! If you were given this label, you were seen as undesirable, unwanted, and would then be locked away for the rest of your life.
Are you even aware of the message you're sending to the possibly mentally challenged people in your lives? You're telling them that no matter how progressive you claim you are, that you retain this negative stereotype of them. Do you call your gay friend(s), a faggot too? No? Then don't call someone's foolish actions, "retarded".
This is by no means dramatic, an overreaction, or me being "too sensitive". This is me being honest. This is me telling you, that you need to stop this. Don't be a part of the problem, that our culture has perpetuated.
But Carlie, what is the problem? Autism Speaks, and anti-vaxxer campaigners like to say that Autism is bad, that it's a death sentence, that it makes the individual a burden, that they're unworthy of love, and acceptance. None of this is true. I am an autistic individual. I am unique, I am amazing, I am supported and loved unconditionally. This is why it hurts when a relative, or friend uses this slur, because, if they see that being an adequate way of describing 'goofy', is that how they see me, the mentally challenged person?
Have I gotten my point across?
Have I said it enough times?
If you won't call me a faggot for being gay, don't call me (or anyone else) "retarded" for doing something "stupid".
Oh c'mon, seriously, it's not that bad. Yes. It. Is. Let's take a look at how dictionary.com defines this word, shall we?
I am 25, and 8 months ago, I was diagnosed with Autism.
Thanks to anti-vaxxers, and certain organizations, there is extreme negativity surrounding this diagnosis. When I tell people I'm autistic, I get the expression of pure incredulity, because I don't look autistic. This is a good place to start, as any.
What is Autism? It is a developmental disorder. It is not a disease, and therefore cannot be contracted. It is almost guaranteed as being genetically passed from parent to child. It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and you cannot grow out of it. It's asinine to think you grow out of a developmental disorder, like dyslexia, so why assume you can grow out of add/adhd? Yeah. I don't know, either.
Are you low functioning, or high? I'm going to stop you right there. Functioning labels are hurtful. Unless the autistic person you're attempting to describe has assigned these labels to themselves, do not give them one. Nonverbal does not mean the person has no voice. Calling someone a low functioning autistic, is essentially calling them helpless. It's an insult.
I've heard autism is caused by vaccines, though. NO. NO. NO. Vaccines are to help your children survive. You were vaccinated so age-old diseases wouldn't again threaten to exterminate the human race. Thanks to anti-vaxxers though, children are now living their lives in goddamn bubbles rather than playing in the grass, because they're sick majority of their lives, with things that haven't been an epidemic since the early 1900s. Vaccines help build your immune system so you can fight things like the flu, and common cold. But, hey, if you want your child to possibly die before they're 15, go ahead and tell the doctors to shove it up their ass.
What's it like to be autistic? That's a really difficult question to answer.. So instead of me typing down my description, I'm going to put this here. It's a simulator of what it's like to be in my brain. It's stressful to watch, and brings me to tears every time, but this is my life.
My diagnosis is not a death sentence, is not a curse, and lastly, is not a surprise. It will not end my marriage, it will not burden my friends or family, and is not 'inconvenient'. In fact, my diagnosis has helped my relationship with my husband. Pre-diagnosis, my communication skills were very poor. I didn't know how to verbalize my discomfort surrounding social situations, or even going to the grocery store when it's empty. All I could say, was that I was scared. I couldn't admit that the outside world was too loud. I had no reprieve. I could hear and smell things other people couldn't, and was often told that I'm a liar. I could pass as a "normal" person my entire life, up until about a year ago, when I woke up, and my entire world crumbled around me.
Everything I knew was a lie. I was trying to fit myself into a box I was not made for. I was becoming a false person, and I was extremely unhappy. So, as I began to research autism, I learned about things like self stimulation (or stimming), meltdowns, and burnouts.
On that day, almost exactly one year ago, I felt like the weight of the world was crashing down on me. I'd had a very stressful week before that day, and had melted down, without really even knowing what it was. I cried for several hours, that day. Once my brain calmed enough for me to properly comprehend words, I plugged my symptoms into google. Normally, I take anything google gives me, with a grain of salt, but curiosity got the best of me. According to doctor google, I'd experienced a devastating autistic meltdown, and I was determined to find out if google was right, or if I was just being a hypochondriac. I never expected for my entire life to be thrown into question, when I woke up that day. Sounds a little dramatic, right? But how else should I have reacted? So, as I researched this disorder, I found things that actually applied to me, which was shocking at first. Apparently, dyslexia, add, adhd, autism and other developmental disorders all exist within the same spectrum. You see, when I was in the fourth grade, I was formally diagnosed with ADD, so having this bit of confirmation was absolutely glorious. My research didn't stop there.
Throughout that day, I learned that girls are the hardest to diagnose with autism, since we don't display the same symptoms as boys, which ultimate results in girls going undiagnosed. Thankfully, in this technologically driven age, we have an abundance of information at our disposal, so those girls who, happened to slip through the cracks, like me, are able to collect the appropriate amount of information to be properly diagnosed by a professional.
While I collected information, and began logging it down, I put myself under the microscope, and asked my husband to do the same of me. When I asked, he divulged information on behavior I didn't know I would display during stressful situations. I was so proud, but also slightly horrified. My husband, who I often accused of being unobservant, was in fact the opposite. I am not perfect, but on that day, I realized I'd been downright nasty to my husband on several occasions, without realizing it. He'd try to defend himself, call me out on my behavior or communicate, and I'd just shut him down. I'd get so incredibly angry at times, that I couldn't hold it, and I'd start screaming. We didn't understand it in the early days of our marriage, but somehow, we got through these rough periods. I'd begun to feel like I was caught in a cycle of abuse, but I was the monster, not someone else. I was so afraid of myself, and I knew at this point, things could absolutely not go on as they had.
I love my husband, and my deepest fear is that someday, he'll leave because he can't take any more of my bullshit. So, I vowed that I would change. I began telling him things I was ashamed of myself for. I swallowed my own bullshit ego, and told him how I felt during social outings. You don't know difficult until you try to give something words, that you've only seen as images in your head. Words are difficult, and unnatural for me, which probably seems kind of shocking to you, doesn't it? My brain doesn't function like yours might.
It's been a year of change, of growth, of discovery, and of adaptation. In this past year, we've learned to be entirely transparent with one another. We don't need to be ashamed of ourselves with one another, because despite all of our shortcomings, and failings, we love each other.
Life before my diagnosis was rocky. We never knew if I was going to be my happy, bubbly, self, or if I was going to be an emotionally unbalanced mess. Life after my diagnosis is almost the total opposite of what we had known it to be.
You're probably asking yourself why I've dedicated time to writing all of this down. It's unflattering, brutally honest, slightly depressing, and socially inappropriate. I've tried my entire life, to appease others, to shrink into the background and not call any attention to myself. By doing this, I minimized who I am in order to gain the acceptance of toxic people. These people would want nothing more than to sculpt me into who they feel I should be.
